How to Nail Your Zoom Setup

Now that our primary means of human-to-human contact is across a screen, optimizing your setup is key. You want the lighting to be flattering on your face and distractions minimal. I wrote a post on this a back in 2013, which I’ve gone back and polished up for today’s technology and climate. Below are my updated tips on how best to set yourself up for video conferencing.

• For lighting, natural light behind the camera is best, but if you aren’t near a window, make sure the room is well-lit (video looks grainier when it’s dark) and that no bright lights are shining on you. Also, while it sounds like nice ambience to have a window behind you, if you don’t have enough light in front of you, you’ll be back-lit. That puts your face in shadows. Instead, try to position the light so it’s right behind or next to the computer. If the light is too bright, cover it with a cloth to soften the effect. You can also try ring light which is specifically designed to create a flattering light for your camera.

• Angle the camera so that it’s at eye level or pointing down at you. An upward angle looks awkward and is less complimentary. You can prop your computer up on a few books to get it to the right height.

• Put a piece of white paper or a white cloth on the table you’re sitting at (keep it out of the camera frame). This will reflect flattering light up onto your face.

• Look at the camera, not the screen. It’s awkward at first and takes some getting used to, but to create the best experience for the other user(s), you should be looking at the camera, not the screen. If this is hard, try turning off the window that allows you to see yourself. It can be tempting to check yourself out, but it’s distracting to the other person.

• In contrast to a 3-D meeting in an office or boardroom, on a video call the focus is on you, chest up. So small actions or habits like clicking your pen, chewing on your nails, or rubbing your face/hair are amplified. Try to avoid them.

• Sit up straight. Bad posture is also emphasized on screen.

• Smile — you may feel goofy doing this when you’re not right in front of the other person, but it’s important.

• If you can sit slightly back from the camera, do it. You’ll look better proportioned on screen.

• Plug in your laptop instead of running on battery power, which may default to poorer video or sound quality.

• Try not to adjust your setup during the call, as this can be distracting to those on the other side.

• I know it’s hard with the whole family home, but try to have a clutter-free background and a quiet environment with minimal distractions or interruptions.

• Don’t multitask. The person you’re conferencing with will know when you’re not paying attention, so avoid embarrassment and turn off all other programs on your computer. That way there won’t be any unexpected sounds going off, and you won’t be tempted to look at your email (the other user can hear you typing!)

I know, this is a lot to think about with everything that’s going on in the world right now, but do your best. Once you have a setup that works for one call, each subsequent call will get easier.

What are your strategies for successful video conferencing?

Cheers,

Julie

Dating Profile Contest Winners Unveiled!

Men's Style Advice: Dating Profiles

I held a contest a few weeks ago, along with dating coach Sarah Jones, to review the dating profiles of 3 guys' from our email lists. We had some great entries, and I'm excited to be sharing our commentary with you. Huge props to these guys for entering the contest -- it takes some serious cojones to put yourself out there like this. If you're not on my newsletter list, I highly recommend getting yourself on there, as I frequently hold contests and share commentary in my newsletters that you won't find me posting about anywhere else. Read on for our reviews...

Julie:

These pictures display a great mix of expressions and moods. It shows you as a well-rounded guy, and I like that you included one with more of your body as well as just your face. What would make your profile pix an even more thorough combination, is if instead of using all of them from the same scene, you included pictures from different situations. That gives you a chance to show yourself in various situations where you show up in your life, and how you dress for each one.

Overall, you have a friendly, open and smart look, which is appealing. I like that the images aren’t too posed -- you come across as very “real” in them. Great shirt choice, too. The grey picks up nicely on the silver tones in your hair, and the rolled up sleeves make you look approachable.

I do have a couple of suggestions for you:

1. In the two closeup shots, your dark glasses frames obstruct your eyes. Most women find eyes extremely appealing (they’re often the first thing people look at in others’ faces), and with the glasses impeding my view of them, I lose that connection.

2. There are a few red spots on your face, which can be a little distracting to the viewer. I’d love for you to clear them up so that we can focus on everything else that’s so great about these shots. Here is a blemish patch that I've found works well for my clients, and it's only $5.

Great work!

Sarah:

Hi there! Excellent job right off the bat talking about her and her values. Intelligence, openness, and playfulness. “Deliriously exciting” — so good! Every woman wants to have that effect on a man. :)

I love the “stimulating conversations that would last all night…” — very, very good. See what you did there? You incorporated “stimulating” with “lasting all night.” Very sexy and yet subtle. It is referring to “conversations” after all, ahem (straightens collar). ;)

In that second paragraph, you go more into what those initial values you mentioned in her say about your relating with each other and your experience of her as well as what you’re like as a man.

Then you segue into who you are, and I love that you’re not overly humble. You’re honestly stating what you enjoy about yourself — so important, as it sets the tone for her to enjoy you too!

In the end, go into a little more sensual detail about your favorite kinds of gigs and museums and where you’d like to take HER.

Also, maybe replace the last line, “If this sort of man would rock your world, get in touch as I’d love to hear from you,” with something like, “If you’re half as excited reading this as I was writing it, message me. I’d love to hear from you.”

It feels more natural and playfully personal.

Overall, beautiful job! I can feel your excitement through your thoughtful, visceral words. You took it home for the win with the “stimulating conversations” line. Well done. ;)

____________________________________________________

New York Men's Image Consultant: Dating Style

Julie:

Your images show a nice mix of expressions which allow your potential dates to see both your serious and fun sides. To add to that, if you’re going to include two pics, I’d love for one of them to show more of your body (either full body or even just the upper half). That way, they can get a sense of your build and how you dress, and therefore determine if you’re a match physically. It also makes it more personal and less like you’re using posed headshots. This is an excellent start!

Sarah:

Hi there!

I like how you share your value of meaningful conversations and discovering new places. It goes harmoniously with your expat detail and love of adventures. Beautiful statement, “I consider myself an energetic person with a stable character.”

I can see your character shining through in that very statement! That’s not something you hear often – the combination of those traits — so it’s fresh and sincere.

I’d replace the, “Some people would say they don’t understand my sense of humor,” with, “It takes a special jewel of a person to really, fully understand my sense of humor — most likely, a jewel with a deep sense of humor herself who I’d immensely enjoy getting to discover!”

This way, you’re acknowledging her, calling her special, and generously / rightfully sharing the attention with her and her sense of humor.

In the food and books section, talk about your very favorite Mediterranean dish and your very favorite Asian dish. The sensual specificity of the exact meals shows your own sensuality, that you experience the world in a delicious way — implying that you’ll delight in her sensually as well, and she in you. It brings the conversation there in a subtle way. (Thanks to my friend and colleague Adam Gilad for that special tip as well as the principles of a lot of the advice I’m sharing!)

Overall, your personality shines through, and what I suggest is bringing her in more and sharing your sensual side more through describing food and places you enjoy.

____________________________________________________

New York Men's Image Consultant: Style Advice for Dating

Julie:

I love the friendly, engaging smile you have in your profile pic. It makes you come across as easygoing and happy with lots of positive energy. I do have a few suggestions which will help make your images even better:

1) I like your breezy haircut, but it would be great if you could trim the hair over your ears (or have your hairdresser do it). This will clean up the look and make you look a little less shaggy.

2) It’s a bit hard to tell because the image size is so small, but I’d love for you to consider whitening up your teeth. You have a wonderful smile, and this would freshen it up even more. Crest Whitestrips are a great, affordable option.

Overall, like I said, you come across as very appealing. And with a few tweaks, you’ll be even more so.

Sarah:

Hi, your profile is great. We worked on it together, and when you first sent it to me, it was a little too strong with, “We are going to do xyz,” instead of, “Let’s see about xyz,” which is a more laid-back feel.

For everyone else reading, I’ll share what you and I did with your profile so they can benefit too. :)

First, you open with the, “You’re the kind of woman who…” frame, which sparks her intrigue and pre-qualifies. The women who respond to, “You’re usually shy, but bubbly and talkative around people who ‘get’ you,” are women who are right down your alley, from Sentence #1.

Then you continue to explore her personality, views on life, and values in that first paragraph, allowing her to see herself there.

In the second and third paragraphs, you talk about the two of you together on a fun date, piquing her interest further and showing your playful side.

Then you mention you as a couple, “if we’re fortunate to get that far with each other,” which acknowledges that you are two people with your own choices and preferences and may or may not be the right fit. This is realistic and the opposite of needy. It sets a strong vibe.

Finally, you transition into, “As for me,” and share more about yourself - both your personality and your values so she can really get a sense of you. I remember we changed one sentence in that last paragraph from details all about your multiplayer tactics game “‘baby’ project” and replaced it with, “I’ll spare you the details, but just know - it’s quite exciting though a potentially distant second to sharing a laugh with you. :)”

I love that sentence! It shares your real, palpable passion for what you’re creating while also giving her “potential” space to come in and share a laugh with you, bond with you, and be the center of your attention for an evening.

So good! All in all, you share what she’s like, what you’re like together, and then what you yourself are like, all in a way that showcases your unique personality in an inviting, laid-back, genuine way.

Well done! :)

____________________________________________________

For more information on Sarah, including how she might be able to help you, click over to her website Introverted Alpha.

Cheers,
Julie